If I am lucky, some fop at Key Bank has a Google alert set to pop-up whenever Key and one of the above words appears together. But that’s holding out too much hope for Key, frankly. Here’s the week I’ve had with Key, and one of the reasons why LGM banks at D.L. Evans (and other LGM companies bank at WuMu).

Tuesday: Go online to get the business hours of local Key branches. The Internets reveal that the downtown branch is open until 5:30 pm. I drive across town to deposit two checks, and make a withdrawal so I can insure the 307 stays open for another month. I get to the Bank, and it is closed. Says on the door that they close at 5:00.

Wednesday: Go to downtown branch over lunch. I note to the teller that I came yesterday to do my banking, and the bank was closed. She tells me that the drive through is open until 5:30. There is not a single sign anywhere on the gigantic Key Bank skyscraper in downtown Boise that indicates this alleged fact. I deposit the two checks I have, and then attempt to make a withdrawal. I am told that I do not have enough in my account to cover the withdrawal. BUT had I cashed those two checks, which they would have done, I could have withdrawn the balance. Too late, they are now in Key’s sweep account collecting interest for Key, not me.

Thursday: Show up at the Key Bank on Broadway. I make my withdrawal which they wouldn’t give me yesterday - the withdrawal I have been trying to make for three days. Then, I fill out a deposit for a post dated check, which I was given since the normal payroll date for the company which gave me the check is Friday; the business owner left out of town yesterday and was good enough to do payroll before leaving. The bank won’t take the check since it is post-dated. I said, “but you are going to put a 24 hour hold on it anyway, so what difference does it make?” They have no answer, only that they can’t take it. So the teller rips up my deposit slips, and sneers at me to have a nice day. As I walk away I ask, “don’t you have a night drop?” They say, “yes, you can do that through the ATM (which is inconveninetly placed outside where is is 20 degrees).” So I again say, “so I can deposit this outside, but not with you . . .” to which I got some kind of retort about bank rules.

Tip to Key Bank: I don’t really give a crap - no wait I totally don’t give a crap - about your byzantine bank rules, I care about depositing my check. Is there some reason why I had to problem solve how to give you my money on my own? Your tellers couldn’t help me? Maybe suggest, “why not deposit it in the ATM?”

So I am finished with Key Bank. I really should have done this long ago when they socked me with $200+ in overdraft fees while I had over $5,000 in my connected savings account.

Key Bank, you need to get it together. You have the worst hours and least convenient locations of any bank in town. And the ONLY thing that differentiates you to consumers is customer service, and at that, you stink. So in case there is some Key Bank PR flak guarding against angry customers like me, give me a call, maybe I will let you buy back my business for a new iPod, or the couple hundred you zapped me for.